7:02 PM

Where the hell is my motivation to live.
I just want to sit on the carpet
and watch the sun spots create patterns on my jeans. 
I'm a coward, I know.

I wanna do something really stupid.
Something irrational and completely immoral and shocking.
Nobody has to know. I'll just be another face on frat row.

3:54 AM

Forcing apple sauce down by the spoonful
I listen to the lies of emotional hunger pangs
A cold taste mixed with leftover tears and faded anger
wrenches my gut, my heart

Tasteless mush, broken records
Just like your apologies

Into my ear, and left ringing throughout my hollow body
and diseased mind
Stony silence is all I can muster
You confuse me -

This isn't working, and I'm sorry.
But I refuse to be another lost object of interest,
another sweet, submissive thing hidden in the cupboard
left to grow musty in empty promises of
playing tomorrow, 
just playing,
a toy.

I'm tired, you're busy,
You're tired, I'm out of patience
I'm anything at all and, you are quick to say sorry
And we do it all over again.

3:35 AM - dump

Attempt five thousand at creating and sustaining a place
to express pain, indulge in darkness, encourage catharsis,
have a chance
to be ok.

God, gotta break the numbness. 

I haven't seen the sun in days it seems like,
overrated Ivy League cobblestone walks, all shiny and slippery with rain
I could suppose that the inclement weather is the cause of inclement emotions,
broiling loneliness and the same view of white dorm walls imprinted in the back of my eyelids
But I can't push away how
your face and your love grow farther away
with every empty text, and I hate myself for this but I've
learned to fear you.

Hurricane Sandy ravages tonight,
how fitting.

I haven't written in a while and I sound dull and uncreative because I am, this place is killing me, not the literal place but the mind place I've fallen into the deadly pattern again and I need help getting out I figured it out before, foolish I should have written it down or something